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Dear Bacon

July 24, 2013

Dear Bacon,

So hey. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t use your whole name of Francis Bacon but since you really on respond to PSSSSTTTHEY! I didn’t think you would mind me using the familiar-if-we-liked-you nickname. So, um, hey. I know this may come as a surprise and please, it’s not you, it’s us, I swear, but , um, if you could move out that would be really great.

I know it was really nice when you were  a kitten and you were so cute and sweet and funny and it is obvious your love and devotion to Lucy as your lesbian wife but we have all discussed it, even Rocco the dog and we all agree you need to move on.

We love how you want to help us redecorate and shred our couch but we are just not going for the distressed look. I know it is so sweet you want to make your self at home and really claim the antique pink chair that belonged to my grandmother as yours with your pee but we think it’s stinky and gross. Not that you are stinky and gross even when you don’t cover up any of your poo in the liter box-that is actually adorable. We know someone will find it endearing but things just are working out.

Don’t hiss at us and be sad, it will be for the best, really. We are certain you will find someone who will feed you non-stop, let you pee on all the furniture not just our recyclable grocery bags, clean laundry in baskets, couches and pillows. We know you can find someone who will encourage the shredding of all the couches because your vision is special and should be appreciated.

It’s not you, it’s us. We have to take that collar back though cause it has our phone number on it and you can’t use that any longer. It will be better this way. If you leave.

Thanks for understanding



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