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Grateful, embarrassed by good fortune

November 15, 2012

“Our days are so few, our existences so complicated. As long as we’re breathing, we shouldn’t further complicate our lives. If we want to change things, we must first change ourselves”
-Paul Rusesabagina

Floating between a stark reality of my job-being with people at their most vulnerable with weakness and strength and that day-to-day slog of motherhood I often wonder where is life’s importance. Is it in my heart where my son and daughter reside so largely its hard to keep my heart beating around the love I have for them? Is it in my mind that can only imagine what those that are without shelter, food, safety, love, compassion, work, education and all other things essential for life are going through? Is it my own life in this house, in this marriage, in this job, in this parenthood that I reside?

How is it possible to feel so disconnected from myself yet so connected to everyone around me? It feels like mental illness sometimes. A compulsion that won’t be alleviated by scratching the itch as it moves around never satisfied. I feel restless in my bones, in my mind and in the spirit inside me that wants to right-all injustice, all inequality, all mistreatment.

It’s not possible to change all of those things and bad situations go on and on but with small changes to people, individuals you can build something stronger to support future changes.

This time of year I feel so thankful for the food on my table, the job I have that provides it, the generous people I work with, my friends who lend their constant support, my children for their complete loving and my best friend who sleeps beside me through it all.

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