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My worst fear

April 5, 2011

Aside from all of the regular irrational fears I have for my children the one that chills me to the bone each and every time and one I have nightmares about is a missing child. Snatched. Wandered away. Injured. Tortured. Out of my grasp.

Who would have thought that losing my dog could make me so crazed. It’s not the first pet I have lost. The dreaded diabetic white kitty escaped twice and was less than a block away and its a cat for gawds sake. The smarter one, the little black cat always had the sense to stay close and come home when she was hungry. Dumbass diabetic cat cried himself hoarse while self-imposed in a shed with an open door mere yards from his front door.

So we lost the dog last night. I ultimately lost the dog. I took him out to play with the kids as I finished up dinner, no leash and he just stays on the porch or in the yard and when I called the girl to come in to eat I neglected to remind her to get the dog. We ate dinner. The boy and I went to the store, came home and wondered where the bloody dog was. Well, by then it had been about 90 minutes since we saw him last.


We look everywhere. He is no where. Really, like no where. I make flyers, we walk around calling him, asking the 5 trillion million small boys on bikes if they had seen our dog and not one bloody child said they saw him. Well, a couple lied but no leads. Nothing.

Until around 9 some woman called and said she saw three boys leading him toward the main road-the giant thruway type road.

Heart sinks. Panic. More walking around. More calling,flyers posted. Nothing. I post ads on Craigslist, the local animal shelters and every other free pet finder thing on the internet.

I can’t sleep. I drive to Kinkos as 130am to make more flyers with copier toner so the ink won’t run in the huge rain storm we are likely to get. I drive around more, alone putting up flyers and calling him and squeaking his wubbie.


I come home and sit on the porch because heaven forbid he wanders by and doesn’t know to stop. I put food on the porch and his bed and his little black poodle he likes to chew on.


I am so exhausted and its about 430 and I think I should sleep a bit and then it starts to blow. Like blow shit off our porch blow and I look at the National Weather Service and we have tornado warnings. Its raining horizontally and blowing all the blossoms off the trees sweeping them down the street. So clearly I can’t sleep now wondering if a pitbull has eaten him yet or if small young deranged bored and unsupervised teen is pulling his whiskers out or if he is dying of dehydration and hypothermia in the rain and wind.

I pass out for 30 minutes on the couch and get up at 645 and go out more with the car, put up more flyers, accost more people just trying to catch the bus. Post flyers in the local convienece store and gas station. I walk around looking for utility workers and such and give them flyers.

Then my phone rings and some excited lady says she has my dog. She grabbed him off of the main road before he was squashed to death by a car and his own stupidity. She calls her daughter and she brings him to us. I cry. I hug her multiple times. I tell her I love her so much. I totally forget to ask her name but I am sure she tells me but I can’t recall it. I see him in the window when the car pulls up and he is crazed. I grab him and he kisses my face and looks ashamed all at the same time. Kind of wincing like because as he is not completely stupid he knows I am pissed. That I should be pissed. And I am.

We go home, stinky boy sitting on my lap licking my face and hands. We get home and I take him straight to the bath because after being such a naughty asshole for running away and IT PUTS IT IN THE BASKET OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.

Fucking asshole dumbass dog for running away. Thank goodness for kind strangers. Thank goodness for the boy that we are so lucky to have adopted.

I will now fight the urge to leash the dog even while in the house and leash the children when out and about. I am not unreasonable. I am a mother who loves her people.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. gina permalink
    April 7, 2011 4:02 am

    yikes, I’ve been off line so didn’t know this happened! so glad you found him and he is well. perhaps he will not be so quick to wander now!

    in a related story, my mom’s cat she’s had for like 15 yrs went missing recently. for 10 days. and she didn’t really look for her much or seem very concerned. then she saw the cat in the yard and then cat ran into shed. did she go in and get her? no! why? “it’s a mess in there.” my cousin ended up getting the cat a few days later. how i survived my childhood i do not know.

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