Grasping at straws
Strange compulsions are not a stranger in times of stress and sadness. Compulsions to eat, sleep, clean things, talk too much, say the wrong thing and watch ridiculously cute overload videos on youtube. I search for titles like Dog and Cat playing. That leads to Duck gives dog a massage and Cat nurses baby squirrels. It comforts me somehow to see that things that should not only NOT be friendly are actually loving and caring for one another.
Like that viral video of that one dog guarding a wounded dog in Japan after the recent earthquake and tsunami catastrophe. Or of that 83 year old lady that rode her bike to get away from the killer wave in Japan. Impossible things happening make me feel safer and more at ease.
In order to keep a handle on the diet I am on trying to lose 10lbs by my 40th birthday at the end of March I am trying-not successfully today-to eat baby carrots while I watch puppies and aardvarks frolic instead of corn muffins with butter and a glass of red wine.
I think with how shitty the last two months have been and now the pinnacle of shit heap culminating with the death of a fabulously wonderful woman who was still buys mothering her children, my 40th birthday passing without my mother and the fight-that-won’t-end-or-change with my spouse I might have to stay up an extra hour to watch cute animals on youtube to thwart my creeping and pervasive unhappiness.
Its like meth or antidepressants only less expensive, not illegal and won’t rot my teeth.