Let it snow, over my dead body
I moved away from the NorthEast where it rained and was really really cold from december until the beginning of May back to my home town in the MidAtlantic where the first year we moved back in 1998 we were subjected to a heinous snow storm but it was okay and isolated. The year our son was born there was a terrible snow storm in 2001 but we didn’t have to go anywhere as we were only working seasonally and were home with our little man for the winter. And then there was the blizzard on our daughters first birthday in January 2005.
All these dates stick out in my mind because they were isolated events of bad weather that we had to endure for a few days or so and then it all melted away. As it should fucking be.
We had a snowpacolypse last February were got 382 inches of snow, wait, I mean 69 inches of snow but I think that equals 382 inches of rain in 5 days. There was lightening, thunder, schools were closed for two weeks, roads were impassable and I was stuck at work- forced to stay overnight at the hospital because of the stupid sick people and no snow emergency plan. Which was really really really really horrible. Like terrible and horrible. We sat around the pool this summer with 11 days of temps over 105*f and thanked all things for the warm temps although we were cooking from the outside in that it was not snowing.
Well, it’s snowing again. A lot. So many times so far this winter I have lost track. So while I shoveled 8 inches of snow from our driveway and our neighbors walkways because old ladies can’t and shouldn’t shovel their own houses-having to drive back to wear I was forced to abandon my car luckily in a safe street parking spot while a very kindly neighbor came with my husband and his SUV to rescue me. We also had to rescue a dude in a van who had gotten stuck. A salt truck got stuck on the same hill by the graveyard that I also got stuck on. The weather sucks. Its ridiculous.
So while I shoveled today thanking my medicine cabinet for having flexiril and naproxen in it I thought about the letter I would like to write to George Bush.
Dear George Bush,
I hope your retirement is going well and I am sure glad you are no longer the leader of our country so good riddance to you but say hey to Laura cause I always liked her a little-she totally has that friendly school teacher vibe.
I did want to tell you that I think you and the religious wingnuts who believe that GAWD put all of these wonderful resources on our planet to be used as much as possible because the rapture or some shit will come on down and the those that love baby jebus, driving their Hummers, using their air conditioning with their windows open, who don’t recycle and use disposable plates and cups for everyday use because who wants to wash dishes?
You all, you know who you are can suck it. All this snow makes me want to smack you with something sharp, bloody and dead.
To the jackasses who drove around last night, most likely looking for crack, in their big trucks you also can suck it.
To the snow, melt and go away.
To you George Bush, I hold you personally responsible and the only thing you can do to make it up to me is come over to my house and repair my gutters.