Because this happened
I remember watching David squirm in his Aunts arms as she sat perched on my mother’s white wing backed chair looking like she was trying to wrestle a plaid panted ham. Giving a pair of my moms earrings to her birthday baby knowing that the first pair of opals should come from her. Holding a tiny fat boy with blond hair as I grew my own blond boy inside my stomach. So sweet her voice out of the blue wondering where I was going to put the baby if he came so early knowing I hadn’t had a shower and then delivering the special co-sleeper I wanted the next day to my house.
Regular kindness. Ordinary exchanges. All made more extraordinary by their sudden, cruel, senseless, horrific, damaging, scary, painful, sad, bizarre death.