like if someone is beating your head against the wall
She is toothless, mostly, and glues her upper plate back together with some crazy glue she finds in her purse-she explains-because she would put it on the cats claws so she wouldn’t rip the tent she sleeps in behind some chain store. Bruised on her face and body, wounds made with angry hands I can’t help but think of her. Her and the kids. Alone. Bleeding to death in the back of their mother’s car. One by one, murdered with rage and blind ridiculousness.
So I tell her that her boyfriend will beat her until she dies. I will read about it in the paper. I tell her I don’t want to read about her in the paper. She can make different choices. I tell her every time she goes back to him she makes a choice-a choice that gives that monster permission to hurt her. Almost kill her. He will kill her, if she doesn’t get away.
She apologizes for everything. She is beyond annoying. She is a drug addict. She is needy. She is immature. She fell into a bad crowd. Had a shitty job. Got hurt and then couldn’t work. She is wrapped so tightly into the drama that is her life, its like another drug. That drama. That he loves her. That he is sorry. That she can’t get anything better so she stays. She is timid and fearful and manipulative. And pathetic. I hate it that I think she is pathetic.
We offer her help. We arrange a safe place, off the streets for her.
She refuses. Won’t press charges. Goes out into the street stealing pillows, sheets and blankets cause I tell her to take what she wants. She is grateful to be clean. Have clean hair. To have showered. Eats lots of junk food. Smiles her toothless and denture smile. She is 10 years younger than I am and looks 20 years older.
Scarred and scared. Pathetic and lonely. Stupid and battered. Alone. Sad.
I tell her goodbye. I give her two bus tokens and ask to get far away from him. She is polite. Needy. Annoying. Addicted. Alone.
I will try to forget her name so I won’t recognize her name when I read it in the paper. But she repeated it to me. With her middle name and everything.