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who I used to think I would be before

April 9, 2010

Looking in the mirror putting on eyeliner and bright red lipstick; having no mirror and staring at the callouses on my hands from hemp rope hauling sails; looking into the face of the boy I was falling in love with seeing what I look like to him; staring into her face as my mother died watching my life pass before her eyes; not seeing anything but the small being made out of thin air in my arms; searching the face of the doctor who told me my baby would not likely live; shocked by the shocked look on my husbands face after our girl was finally born; finding comfort in the faces that declared they were my friend; hoping to find approval in my teachers appraisals; staring into the eyes of my patients while they contimplate their fate; watching my life unravel in front of my eyes hopeless to catch the tail-like the end of a kite whose string keeps feeding out, out, out into the sky-up farther and farther away.

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