down down baby
Is it just a certain age you get to and poof! it all goes to shit? Or looks like shit? Or feels like shit? Is that what a midlife crisis is? I am searching to fill a void I was unaware of its growth within me. It’s like in that movie Death Becomes Her when the one mean lady shoots the other mean lady with some bazooka cannon type gun and she looks down at her pretty red sweater, mascara running and there is just this giant gaping hole, no blood, just a hole there that you can see through. I am transparent in my efforts and that is mostly pitiful. Pitiful because what do I think will really fill it?
I can find things to fill it but is it right to fill it. Is that what becoming a real adult is…recognizing the hole/s you have and just living with it? Metaphorically you can reference holes to mean other things. Like sex. Like words. Like food. Like fresh air. All those things go into holes in my body and don’t seem to make it all fit together. Ew. I know, TMI, right? Well. Sigh. You are reading my blog so turn it down if it’s too loud.
You kind of find that hitch in your giddy up in your late twenties and feel your feet really on the ground in your thirties and now as I approach my forties it seems like it is just this big abyss that will never be crossed and I just look longingly over the edge. Whats in the middle of it anyway? What seems so elusive? Is it nothing? Is that why all of my thoughts seem so circular and pointless? Or am missing the frigging point?
How many metaphors can I pack into one post? Too many, right?