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Housewife electrocuted by electric blanket, NEWS at 11…

October 12, 2009

Epic fail, (snort), blarrggh. sniffle.

Seriously, all that cutesy shit people write make me nuts. Don’t even get me started on emoticons. Its freezing and drafty and boring in my house and while attempting to assemble our wintery electric blankets for a cozy nights sleep the extension cord zapped me twice. And my nose itches and I keep sneezing and the goddamned kitten won’t get the fuck off me and what I would really like is to go shopping but the site of my doughy ass would make me want to hang myself with the latest cute low slung belt at anthropologie OR slap the dressing room clerk as she refuses to take my items to count instructing me with an adorable smile to just hang um there.

Oh ferchrissakes.

I was enjoying my no drinking thing but if I am to live through the next two days, yes I am taking it two at a time cause I am a hero damnit- I think a cocktail might be in order.

As its only 2pm I am going to drink some hot tea, kick the fucking cat into the basement, cry on the couch for a while and then maybe try to enjoy the last few minutes before the children return from school.

Yes. Its okay to want to smother me with a pillow. Option two is to whisk me away on a tropical vacation. Option three is to give me lots of money. Option 4 is to tell me how thin and pretty I am. Option four is to smother me with two pillows.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 6, 2009 8:39 am

    yeah. i would just smother you. god damn.

  2. November 6, 2009 3:23 pm

    Dear oh brave UH.

    How I adore the secretness of the interwebs. This was a plea and perhaps, if you were as intended as you sound you might have left some sort of trace or an address that I might contact you.

    I am guessing fucking pussys don’t have bad days. Don’t have days filled with doubt and regret. Filled with a somberrealization of the pittifulness of your agony and how shallow it all is?

    I am guessing you are half naked behind your computer screen and stumbled upon me whilst searching for naked pictures of Tara Reid and the best diet pill to take.

    Goddamned pussy motherfucker. I have pillows…am waiting.
    Love,
    blahblahblah

  3. November 6, 2009 3:27 pm

    and your URL says you are from Arizona. I ‘ve been there, its pretty.

  4. Shizuko Cuculich permalink
    January 13, 2013 7:25 am

    i always use electric blanket during the winter times to get more comfy at home.^

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