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All kinds of fucked up

May 18, 2008

Today, in the rain and muck of studying, I am going out with a friend to shop. I have a wedding to attend. It is the second marriage of one of my high school boy friends to his lovely eastern European younger woman fiance and I must look, well, hawt. I need girdles, fancy stealth type bra and slinky but not too sexy dress that oozes casual elegance and hipness. I may need more than one shopping trip and some kind of wonder drug to fool everyone at the wedding. Maybe I will spike the punch fountain with LSD.

So, as I announced I was going out. alone. Spawn and Chica replied in a cacophony of annoyance and pleas to please, well they didn’t say please-I am pretending they said please, come with me. I state that I want to go out alone with my friend and when in the world was the last time I went anywhere by myself? Spawn informs me, “Mothers Day” he says smugly with disdain. I ask, “Where in the world did I go? I was home with your heathens all day because Daddy was at work!” He sputters, “Nu-uh, you went to the drug store all alone. And we couldn’t come. You were gone for like 20 minutes.”

This.is.how.sad.my.life.is.right.now.

Do you think I could score pot, drink some cocktails, have an affair, get a tattoo, cut my hair and loose 20 pounds in just the two hours I have to be out before I need to put them to bed with a kiss?

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 18, 2008 9:03 pm

    Stealth bra, heathens, 20 minutes. All nostalgically hilarious. I feel I have too much time alone with my kids all grown. I may replace them with a dog. The stealth bra is still a universal need.

  2. May 19, 2008 7:34 am

    Pot, sex and bra-shopping? Why wasn’t I invited?

  3. cocoyea permalink
    May 19, 2008 8:19 pm

    “Maybe I will spike the punch fountain with LSD.” Love it. This is really funny.

  4. May 20, 2008 6:37 am

    Yes, definitely. Ask someone to hit you over the head just right, fall into dreamspace and it should all work out great, kiddo. (Just make sure to ask somebody who knows exactly where to land the blow.)

  5. June 7, 2008 6:48 am

    Oh I hear you. I went out two nights in a row this week with girlfriends……unusual this frequency, as was evidenced by my two boys throwing a pink fit and suggesting I was mean for leaving them again. I heard them asking daddy as I was walking down the stairs why mummy likes going out so much……..ho ho ho.

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