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Hear me roar

May 11, 2008

These little people. These small roommates of mine. These tiny forming humans who tug on me, jump on me, ask too many questions, refuse to do too many ordinary things, wreck shit, break shit, scream, yell, dance, are crazy, silly, say great jokes, work my last nerve, make me pull out my hair, learn amazing things each day, love me, kiss me, hug me with their small arms tight around my neck, smell delicious, smile just for me, call me Mama, barf on their rugs, cough all night into my pillow, lay against me after nightmares, share our food, our roof, discover new things, learn together, get to know one another, exasperate and make brains come out of my ears and make me feel and see what love really is.

There was nothing I would not do for them. To protect them, to nurture them, to love and adore them. I would actually kill for them. Die for them. It is the only thing I think I will ever do that is perfect, the creation of them.

I am beginning to think that the strife and turmoil we feel as parents is the constant struggle to feel worthy of the love a child can willingly give you.

Thank you Tracyann for being a model for my early parenting and for being the kind of mom whose children feel that they are loved because you are present with them in everything you do.

Thank you Jeanne, my mom, for always being fearless in letting me be who I would become and who I am. You were brave and it must have been scary.

To May, my grandmother, who showed it the old school way with sugar cookies, special egg sandwiches and letting me do whatever damn thing I wanted. For teaching me things like crochet, bringing me into the tribe of grown women.

To Phyllis, my grandmother, who floated around her chaotic life of 7 children while still retaining the desire to paint, be artistic, appreciate music and nature. For always have a moment to see something beautiful and be willing to share it with me.

To Gail, my lost friend, who never missed an oppurtunity to show people how much she cared. She was a kind person and didn’t need to show it because you could just feel that she cared.

To Maryanne, my aunt, who was a pioneer parent at such a young age and tried always to be a parent who supported and loved her children, fiercely. Adventure, togetherness and fun. All those things I have learned how important they are to a family because of you.

To Janine, my cousin, who sent me a book that changed my views on parenting and who is quietly supportive and enthusisastic about parenting.

To my friends who help me understand this messy journey I am on like Amy, Donna, Debbi, Megan, Cait G., Gina, Laura, Trisha, Caroline, Kate G., Velma, Jess, Christina and so many others.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 17, 2008 4:05 pm

    You are lucky to have such a wonderful circle of supportive women in your life. You are lucky to be you.

  2. May 17, 2008 10:28 pm

    Hang in there. It sounds like you have your hands full with children to rear. Your first paragraph here is simply genius.

    If we didn’t have the support of our circle of family and chosen family, I don’t think we would make it through to the other side with any shred of sanity left. It sounds like you have an excellent group of mentors and supports.

    K

  3. June 7, 2008 6:46 am

    Great post. Really touched me.

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