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Dear old looking knees

April 18, 2008

Dear old looking knees,

I am not going to beat around the bush–you look like shit in a sundress. I know the legs were never a strong point but now the old and saggy knees really cap off the “hey…I am almost 40 look!” and it is not appealing. To anyone, despite what you may think. Yea, I know you get me around, hold me up during those long days at the hospital and such but I am not looking for a strictly utilitarian brand of knee. I want something pretty, something less wrinklely and withered. We have a few months left together to work something out but if you don’t have your act together before Swan Lake opens this summer…you are history. Sorry, but you will have to go.

And while you are on notice you can tell that orange peel of a stomach to shape up for christs sake. No more laying around and lolly-gagging. There will be no more babies being grown so your excuses to be flabby and out of shape are wearing thin indeed.

I don’t usually like to be this harsh but when it is time, its time. I can’t hold back any longer. Our relationship is in peril. If you care at all about it, you will change and dare not show your sad parts around again.

I hope this isn’t goodbye but I understand if you just can’t commit.

Yours sincerely,


ps. Don’t tell THE QUEEN I cribbed her format betuz I can’t think of anything else. xx

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 20, 2008 10:44 pm

    Crib away! And also, I kind of like your knees.

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