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So Darlink, lay down here and tell me how you are feeling…

March 5, 2008

Question: A small not yet fully formed little person is having meltdown after meltdown and screams and yells as an everytime type of reply to the simplest to the most complex requests and stamps their feet, yells at you and is generally really shitty. This goes on for about 5 straight hours with little interruption and despite your efforts to thwart all requests or interaction with said little irate and unreasonable person. Your next course of action is:

a. Tell them calmly for the 17th time that yes, when you ask them to put on their slippers they must do so and yes you understand that they do not agree and you would appreciate their cooperation.

b. Walk away from them and say fuck the slippers. She is the one who has to walk around in tights with holes in them and you told her to wear pants anyway and if her feet are cold enough she will put them on herself.

c. Scream at her to put on her fucking slippers because you don’t want to tell her again and you don’t really care if she wants to or not and NO you will not explain what ‘care’ means because it is just too hard and maybe it is one of those concepts either you get or don’t get. You say, “fuck you asshole” under your breath as you walk away.

d. Freak out and start foaming at the mouth and then start crying as you wonder why you had children and where can you drop them off? Can you think of anyone who will want this vile creature?

bonus points: Answer in essay format– Do you think that you have done permanent harm when in fit of frustration you say under your breath that if she yells at you anymore you will just be so sad and feel so bad that want to run away from home. Take into account the small vile person is only 4. This is extra credit.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 5, 2008 7:48 pm

    So first I had to wipe the diet coke off my keyboard from laughing so hard as I read my options. My answer would be all of the above at various points and time. More recently after suffering from the flu for the 10,000th time this winter I had also commented to a certain 4 year old that mommy was off the clock and that I was going to leave and never come back. The look of sheer terror in her eyes was enough to make me laugh out loud…then I spent the next 20 minutes assuring her I was indeed not leaving and if I did leave I would either come back (eventually) or bring her with me. And I have actually called her a fucking bitch under my breath when I have been at my wits end….

  2. March 5, 2008 7:55 pm

    Cole – this is way funny. All of the above choices apply if i were responding. When my son was 4 he was displeased and whining for several days in a row, then finally decided to run away from home. I actually helped him pack, and baked him cookies to take in a small cloth bundle at the handle end of his umbrella. After hauling his pack to the end of the snow-covered driveway, he changed his mind and came back. i was relieved but not too eager to communicate my relief, in case he relapsed into terminal whining. G

  3. March 5, 2008 8:22 pm

    You people provide an excellent mode of birth control. πŸ˜‰

    I have no idea, not having access to such a four-year-old, but I think I would probably be likely to lean toward Option 2. For as long as I could possibly do that.

    I would probably not be averse, though, to muttering things of various ilks under my breath. I’m just sayin’. I mean, I do that with or without a four-year-old.

  4. March 6, 2008 3:33 am

    Warn her with all sincerity that Mr. Keith will come over whenever you call with several helpings of broccoli, cauliflower and lima beans that he will feed her should she continue down the path that angers the Mama.

  5. March 6, 2008 3:34 am

    b. for sure. Choose your battles. Sometimes ignoring is more effective than confronting. Just my opinion. Um, you did ask for our opinions, right? Oh, and for extra credit, no permanent harm. But this isn’t an essay so I guess I failed miserably. Shoot! It’s all that 4 year old’s fault.

  6. March 6, 2008 6:24 am

    E. All of the above. and then lock yourself in the pantry with a box of girl scout cookies.

  7. Alida permalink
    March 6, 2008 6:34 pm

    That really depends on where you happen to be emotionally at the time of the incident.

    Are you sleep deprived? Then D would be my answer

    Are you having a good day? B

    A bad day? B, again appropriate.

    Are you suffering from PMS?

    Then I would say any answer is correct or any combination of each would be fine too!

    Good luck with that πŸ™‚

  8. constantrain permalink
    March 8, 2008 3:43 pm

    LOL It’s C every time if it goes like that! πŸ˜€ I hope you are well!

  9. gina permalink
    March 8, 2008 5:31 pm

    oh lordy i feel ya!
    i have sooo been there as you personally know!
    i work real hard to do A and B but sometimes, it all goes awry. aggravating little monsters!

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