Trapped in the bathroom
I don’t know why but it has happened two times in the last month. I don’t see it regularly but it seems rampant right now and it is freaking the fuck out of me and it always happens when I am with Chica.
We are in the bathroom of a well known cafeteria style restaurant and I am in the stall with my little darling girl ChicaPoo. We hear a mama start yelling at a pretty big girl telling her to “Come here now, come into the stall with me…”…hear dragging sounds, sobs and screams of protest by the girl. Mama continues to try to drag girl into stall. She gives up and beats her kids ass right by the hand sinks as we are trying to wash our hands. It is small and cramped and filled with people trying to pee and wash their hands. ChicaPoo looks at me with worried eyes and is afraid. I hug her and we leave and she asks me what is wrong with that Mama and girl? I say that girl has a mean Mama who doesn’t know how to use her words to talk when she is mad and is using her body to tell her little girl she is mad. Chica says that is a wrong thing to do and asks me if that Mama will be in trouble for doing that. Sadly I say no she won’t.
Two days ago we are in our local grocery store and as I crouch down to help Chica with her tights and skirt a woman walks into the bathroom with a tiny little person probably about 2-3 years old. The small person is wailing and crying uncontrolably as the Mama tells her in a calm voice that she was not allowed to stick her fingers in things and now she has to pay for something she didn’t want and that she told the little person over and over again not to do and then says sternly, “STICK OUT YOUR HAND.” I don’t think the little person complies because she shouts louder now, “I SAID STICK OUT YOUR HAND!” and I hear a small scuffle and a smack, smack, smack and more screaming and crying. She warns the small person to stop it and be quiet or else. The little person quiets and is crying very softly.
All the while ChicaPoo is looking at me with giant eyes and I hug her until they leave and we exit the stall to wash our hands. ChicaPoo looks at me and says, “That poor little girl. Does her Mama love her? Poor little girl that she doesn’t have a nice Mama.”
We teach our children it is not okay to hit another person unless you are a grown up, frustrated and can think of nothing better to do. We want our children to be respectful of us and others but continue to show them disrespect for how they feel and how they react to how they feel.
I feel frustrated by my children all. the. time. ALL. THE. TIME. I want to bash them silly sometimes. I feel those same things. I have lost it one time, one time only and will never ever forgive myself. Luckily it was isolated, a minor occurrence but was the most traumatic thing ever for me as a parent and the worst moment of my adult life. I am ashamed of myself and will feel guilty forever for it. I saw in that moment the horror I created in my children. Spawn especially was terrified and scared even though I was reacting stupidly to his sisters behavior. How can a parent feel good about instilling fear and terror into their child as a means of discipline?
I don’t understand how my darkest moment as parent can be routine care for another. I don’t want my children to fear me I want them to trust me. I don’t want my children to feel they have no other recourse when they are angry except to hit someone when they don’t get what they want. I want my children to be empathic to others who are sad and crying and to not be afraid of choosing to comfort someone rather than lash out.
I don’t know what to do when I see this happen. I want to reach out to that mom and tell them I know how they feel. I feel so frustrated too. I loathe my children sometimes too. I feel like I could just freak the fuck out and loose my mind. But why I don’t. Why I don’t want to and how I try to keep it in perspective. I don’t think it would help. I don’t think it would help at all.
Would you just do nothing?