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regret

December 31, 2007

It feels like those spring storms that kick up when the weather is lovely and warm and suddenly the sky is black and green and it begins to rain and hail. You are caught without a raincoat, have no where to take cover and the sound of the thudding ice is scary and loud. The sound of ricocheting chunks of frozen water falling out of the sky fills your head and strike your shoulder, your ankle, your forehead as you take a quick look up to see where this is all coming from.

All at once you find yourself in a doorway, inside a shop and you can feel the steam of the room forming around your hair, fogging your glasses and you are aware that you are breathing hard from effort and fright. You stand looking out at the black and sudden sky and the sound is muffled and distant and people are running just as you had a second ago. The door opens again and another person steps inside, disheveled and wet with wild eyes grateful to be in from the weather. A blast of cool air and quick burst of noise reminds you what you just left and then quickly the door shuts out the noise and cold wind.

You sit down at a table and stare out at the sky wondering what you should do next. Race home ducking the ice cubes falling or wait it out as hail storms usually pass quickly. It is impossible for the sky to keep up this frenzy for too long and you know it will pass.

While you wait to decide the weather chooses for you and just as quickly the sky is lovely again and it is blue and big with soft gray clouds streaming in the wind across the sky. You stand up and walk toward the door pulling the handle a little too hard and it swings away from you in the breeze and you catch it and close it behind you gently.

The sun feels warm and familiar and it is comforting in its predictability. You walk back toward home knowing the storm is over but it has been a reminder how quickly things can change and how unprepared you really are.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 31, 2007 6:52 pm

    For me I wish those reminders stayed fresher in my mind after they have passed. Instead I find myself slipping into the comfort that is the groove of life until another unexpected reminder is slammed my way. I don’t really believe in resolutions however my goal for 2008 is to live a more conscious life. Thanks for reminding me…

  2. December 31, 2007 7:52 pm

    I often read your blog and think you should give up nursing school and just write.

    This is one of those times.

  3. January 1, 2008 4:03 pm

    you are a strong and brave warrior, cole. and crying is really, really ok.
    I wish you what the French wish each other: not a happy new year, but a good one, to you and to all those you care about. Bonne Année. best.

  4. January 1, 2008 7:02 pm

    Lovely, simply lovely- evocative, tumultuous, peaceful…

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