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Kamakazie squirrels

November 8, 2007

Seriously, what is wrong with the squirrels in the fall? They are almost as crazy as they are in the spring and there is a certain manic quality to them all. As I drive to school to watch more movies about hemorrhage and read signs in our skills lab that read, “DON’T INJECT THE BABIES!” I see squirrels appear as though they are committing suicide. It is as though the quest for whatever squirrels desire most this time of year is like some weird version of squirrel crack and they are impulsive, daredevilish and madstupidcrazy. The ones in our backyard are rolling around on the ground, hopping sideways and dashing through the fallen leaves leaving a blurry trace of gray/brown fur.

It is kind of freaking me out.

I am really stressed with this rotation for some reason and just can’t seem to get myself together and the squirrels are not helping. I have one heart-attack a day because some furry idiot decides to run in front of my car, then NO, dashes back and then OH YES, I SHALL FLING MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR TIRES AS I TURN TO STARE YOU DOWN WITH MY MAD CRAZY SQUIRREL EYES.

The squirrels are freaking me out.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. November 8, 2007 8:20 pm

    The PEOPLE are freaking me out – yesterday, a bicyclist veered in front of me and then, I swear, threw to the ground something that looked exactly like a squirrel tail. Why? Why ride a bike into traffic, why ride a bike holding dismembered squirrel bits, why?

  2. November 8, 2007 10:41 pm

    They might be drunk. It happens in the fall. About a month ago I had a problem with drunken birds flying into my windows, freaked me out.

  3. November 9, 2007 1:17 am

    Deb, of course! Drunk on apple cider. On the other hand, we had a squirrel that got into our house last winter for SEVERAL DAYS. It would bounce off the walls all morning, very literally, and so fast I could hear it but could not even see it move by me. It slept under our couch for a night; we saw its eyes with flashlights. And we trapped it in a humane trap with a huge hunk of peanut butter bigger than its head. It was totally happy in that cage. Legally, we aren’t allowed to let it go, so the “bat guys” who took it had to euthenize the little guy. But, yes, my nerves were frazzled, on edge, my eyes wide open 24/7, I was jumpy, startled constantly. There’s a contagion to their energy. But of course there have also been the vaginas.

  4. gina permalink
    November 9, 2007 3:03 am

    squirrels on acid.

  5. November 10, 2007 6:36 pm

    By the way, on Tuesday Nov 6 I tagged you for a low-key meme for when you have a spare moment (ha!).

  6. November 16, 2007 4:52 am

    This is what I’ve been talking about for years. One day my mentor sat me down and said: “Greg, we’ve gotta tame the squirrels.” And so I’ve been a squirrel-tamer ever since.

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