Starting a new trend: Look! All new!
cheerful music, nondescript muzak type pop tunes play out as the screen fades from light blue to dark black from a pinpoint as the hole widens to show to mother types sitting on a couch. The room is strewn with toys, crumbs, clean and dirty laundry, books, dishes, socks and random bits of kitchen equipment. The mothers are drawn tired and have dark circles under there eyes. There are greasy kid sized palm stains on their pants and their clothes look like they were worn yesterday because they were. They are about 5 months overdue for a hair cut and one has on lipgloss but forgot to brush her teeth. The other one did brush her teeth but had to use Strawberry Shortcake flavor because she is out of the regular adult toothpaste. She has on 2 day old mascara. Both of them are wearing their children’s socks because none of theirs are clean.
They smile wanly at the camera, glance at each other painfully and say to the audience:
“We are mothers. Yes. It is true and we want to speak out for all mothers across the world. It is our mission to bring hope and light into every woman’s life. A life line of understanding. Won’t you join us in our campaign to make hating your children okay? We realize it is the love that gets us through but sometimes that isn’t enough. Call this 800 number and you can pledge $3 dollars that can go toward a helpline that will provide comfort, a mini-bottle of liquor and this black wrist band to remind a mother in need of the fact that IT IS OKAY TO HATE YOUR KIDS. Printed right on your bracelet are those inspiring words. Pledge now and receive your bracelet and booze.”
….the other mother nods her head in agreement and turns to the camera and says,
“Yes. Come forward. We know you want to. We have been there. Underneath our nice pants and home permed hair we are all desperate. You don’t have to pretend that every time your baby farts it is the second coming of Christ. You can loath their voices and feel desperate to change you name so you don’t have to hear MOM! one more time. Act now and pledge an additional $2 and receive our “Can’t have sex tonight, honey” kit. It is full of ideas on convenient easy to read cards that will help you to avoid unwanted romance on those nights that you would so rather sleep than think about anyone elses private parts. It is disguised in a discrete tampon box so you can leave it out in plan sight, within easy reach, without fear that your partner will discover your little secret. As a bonus, this kit will also come with a seven day trial of Ambien at no extra cost. Get some rest. You deserve it.”
…..they both smile weakly, barely having the energy to continue as you hear a shrill scream in the background, “MOM! SHE IS TOUCHING MY THINGS AGAIN. I AM THIRSTY. I AM HUNGRY. MOM……………”
The women look pained and look up at the camera again,
“Won’t you join us now? Wear your black wrist band with pride. You can hate your children. You don’t need permission and you are not alone. Have a drink. Get a good-nights sleep. Wear some clean pants. It is okay to want to abandon them. We are here. Join the mothers of the world in admitting your hatred. The time has come for mothers to unite!”
Fade out as the mothers pass out on the couch and their eyes close trying to nap for 25 seconds before their break is over…..pinpoint fade to white! Cue muzak…….