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So exciting and gross

September 15, 2007

School is just the best. I hate the studying and the exams make my soul hurt and my brain thump but clinicals are the BOMB. My instructor has shown us so many things already in the first week. Today we went to the SICU to see a pressure dressing change. If you have seen the last bit of the Sopranos you will know of the wound I speak. Open belly wound after surgery. It was huge. 10 inches by 14 inches big and you stuff some special soft, thick black sponges in, put some thin cling-film type stuff over it and then put on this vacum and it SUCKS the wound closed (sort of) and is no longer open. It is so disgusting. They have to change it every few days and it is just so gross to see them pull out the old bloody sponges that are filled with pus (empyema) and then stuff it all back in. Crazy.

My patient from yesterday had 3 CVA’s in her Pons…the center in your brain that regulates all things basic life related…breathing, heart rate, blood pressure…ect. I went with her when she had her MRI and it was loud and the pictures were amazing. She had lost most of her ability to communicate and understand you but I did make her smile once and I held her hand as she teared up and waited in the hallway for her test. Her family did not come yesterday or today. She is back in the ICU where it is likely she will die soon as she has a DNI order.

I went by to say goodbye to her and hold her hand and felt just awful that she went that quickly to somewhere no one conscious can imagine. She is locked inside her brain somewhere and there must be something left or she would just stop breathing. I held her hand again and told her what a pleasure it was to know her and I hoped that she had a better day today.

It is so sad to me that this poor woman, with 5 grandkids and however many children had no one with her but some stranger nursing student as she lost her mind in the hall waiting for her MRI. I am glad to have been there and lucky to have shared that with her but it isn’t right. Her family should have been there and wasn’t. No one even came to see her yesterday after that  horrible time getting that PEG tube in. She was so scared and didn’t want it. I wish they hadn’t done it. Useless to her. She will die and it is certain.

Today was a long and weird day. At 10am it felt like 4 thousand o’clock. I am tired. I came home and held Chica for a long time just kissing her and smelling her lovely little blond head. I held Spawn when he got home from school and just looked at his beautiful face.

I miss my mom and everyday in the hospital reminds me how much I miss her.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. caroline permalink
    September 15, 2007 2:26 am

    damn girl.
    i miss your mom too.

    you are such a powerful writer.

  2. September 15, 2007 4:25 pm

    And it is just so clear to me that you are a gifted healer and that holding that poor woman’s hand meant more to her than all her family being there. The hand of a nurse, I swear to you, having been a patient, can feel like the hand of an angel, like your only lifeline to strength, the only thing that keeps you going. It’s magical. You have that hand, dear Cole.

  3. September 15, 2007 11:13 pm

    I wonder where they are???

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