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Those bears can stuff it, man!

March 31, 2007

I adore Maurice Sendak. I adore the Little Bear books. I think they are wonderful. Our children watch very little TV and Little Bear on Noggin is one show I always let them watch if it is on and truly enjoy watching it with them. I don’t know if it is because I need some more reasons to feel like I am an inadequate parent or what but I love starting to watch this show and at the end always feel like the worstest parent in the world. The WORSTEST.

For example the episode that made me feel like scat tonight is Mother Bear says goodnight to Little Bear. She tells him, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite! Sleep tight!” Little Bear lays awake in his bed wondering about such bugs that might bite him in bed and gets frightened. He goes into his parents room where Father Bear is snoring to suck the paint off the walls and Mother Bear is just dozing. Little Bear tells his mother how afraid he is and then gets distracted by Father Bears’ snoring. He sits atop Father Bear and pinches his nose while he snores. Father Bear wakes with a start and inquires about the bugs Little Bear is talking about. Little Bear insists there are some under the covers and Father Bear wakes from his sound sleep and swats at them at Little Bears command. Little Bear grabs a pillow and says that bed bugs like pillow fights and Father Bear agrees. They swat each other with pillows while mother bear looks on in an amused way. Father Bear looses his balance and falls to the floor. Little Bear seizes this opportunity to leap upon Father Bear while on the floor smacking him with the pillow while on top of him. Mother Bear continues to gaze lovingly at her family and then tells them it is time to sleep. Mother and Father Bear gather the covers and under Little Bears direction shakes them repeatedly and gently rests them down upon their Little Bear who is snuggled into their bed now. Each parent crawls in and sleepily says good night as Little Bear gives them a big kiss. Father and Mother Bear both begin to snore so loudly that Little Bear trudges back off to his room to sleep alone away from all the noise.


Switch scenes and we are at my messy, dirty, disorganized house with bits of cat liter on the floor, breakfast and lunch dishes still in the sink, school books and newspapers everywhere, shoes, a dirty sock or two, scarves, hats, coats litter the floor. It is dark and Father D has just begun snoring just as Mama Blahblahblah drifts off to sleep. Father D stops and just as Mother Blahblahblah is fast asleep she realizes a presence in her room, staring at her silently. With a start she looks up and her Spawn starts to say very loudly that he is having bad dreams and wants to sleep with them. Mama Blahblahblah tries to sooth Spawn by viciously whispering for him to shut up before he wakes up his sister and simultaneously kicking Father D. She grudgingly makes room for Spawn or else she would have to get up out of the warm bed and re-tuck him in. Spawn crawls into the middle and falls instantly asleep. Spawn and Father D are now snoring and Spawn keeps throwing a leg over top of Mama Blahblahblah’s stomach and knocking his knees into her back every 7 minutes. Mama Blahblahblah knows it is every 7 minutes because she can only watch the clock tick away and sleep slips farther and farther away. An hour later after Mama Blahblahblah finally falls back to sleep Princess Chica-Poo wakes up screaming as though someone is killing her. Mama Blahblahblah leaps up and knocks her shin and toes into the stool placed very near the doorway and rushes to the bedside of Princess Chica-Poo. Princess yells loudly and demands that Mama Blahblahblah replace her covers “Betuz I am told. Do it. I AM TOOOOOOOLLLLDDDDD!” Mama Blahblahblah shouts at her in an evil whisper to shut up and go to sleep and stop calling out to me or I will shut her door. And I will tell Miss Debbi who will be very mad at her! Mama Blahblahblah stomps out of the Princesses room and falls back into bed. She is just asleep when Spawn starts coughing and needs drink of water please? And I have to blow my nose. Then snores the rest of the night next to Father D… in chorus together. It is 4 am and Mama Blahblahblah falls asleep until it is time to get up and go to school at 6 am. She gets up and leaves her sleeping family cozy and snug while she walks off into the dark early morning to drive to the hospital and be graded and judged on how well she is taking care of her patient. On the drive to school she wishes that she were a gerbil and she could just eat them, her children, and start all over again. Then she could morph into a Black Widow spider and eat her mate.

See, Little Bear inspires so much appreciation for nature.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 1, 2007 2:12 am

    Yes, but bears sleep all. winter. If I slept all winter, I’d be more flexible about my summer sleep, too. Maybe.

  2. April 1, 2007 1:05 pm

    Fucking bears. Making the rest of us look like shitty parents. Fucking bears.

  3. April 17, 2007 5:34 am

    Fabulous, just fabulous! I so hate it when kids come in in the middle of the night- Go Away, I say!

  4. July 9, 2007 12:39 am

    Love this. I have never seen “Little Bear” deconstructed quite so nicely.

    I think Duck’s the one that needs some social anxiety medicine. She’s always squawking about something and getting Cat all pissy.

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