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The great unknown crashes into the inevitable

February 23, 2007

The years just roll by like a broken down dam* and we grow older and older. It is not noticeable at first and our year passing is represented by new privileges, skills and accomplishments. Slowly over time you become engrossed in your accomplishments like marriage, career, school, children, family and friends. Your circle widens and the weight of the life you are living presses gently down on your soul just enough so you can never forget that it is there. At some point I imagine that the scale tips away from your favor and the years that are accumulating seem to be time slipping away like low tide. There is less and less left although you have lived so much. A wise Melma once said that if you are going to live a long life, say 30 years past your sixties then you should get those years at the beginning and not the end.

When you are young you are constantly running to catch the life you have as a vision in your head. When you catch it you are so consumed with it that years and decades bubble up and over the edge almost spilling and you find yourself reaching in many directions at once to just keep it under control. You finally have it under control and the rug is pulled out from under you as  your body breaks down, your mind slows (not dulls, just slows) and you become fixed on the inevitable destination your march will take you.

I imagine many times you feel, toward the end of your life, “I am here. I am here. I have arrived.” only to be fooled and another moment slips past passing the baton on to the next event waiting in the wings.

No one tells you how much you yearn for it all to slow down while your youth races to the finish line.

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