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The longer time goes on the less likely it seems

December 12, 2006

When my children were babies- just hours, days, weeks, months old it seemed so real that I had a baby and they belonged to me. I had just felt them roll around under my ribs and over my bladder stretching and hiccuping and poof, well, squish, they were here. I remember thinking that while I could never love my second child as much as my first I would do my best. It did not seem possible that I could love our daughter as much as I loved our son. To my surprise I did love her as much and there have been many times when that alone has saved her from being eaten or sold.

The older my children get and the further they venture away from babyhood, toddlerhood and into the school years the less likely it seems that they are mine. How could I have such a big grown up boy that says things like, (imagine a desperate pleading voice) “I just HAVE to find some play clothes to put on that make my new haircut look nice. WHERE IS MY TIE? I can’t find my white shirt!! Can I wear my new dress shoes? Mama, my hair is not sticking up enough and it is all flat, can I use the hair dryer?”

Huh?

I hear faint voices telling me that other people his age will be calling the house soon and asking in silly teasing voices , “Is he there? Can I talk to him?” He will fall in love with some woman other than myself and declare his love for her. He will be a boob man and sit around with his friends not really recalling why he likes that body part, he just does. He won’t mind a girl that is a bit squishy and will prefer her to a bony girl any day. He will be athletic and strong. He will be the person who makes friends with everyone no matter what other people say as he does already. He will be grown and the more evidence I get as time goes on that this is inevitable course our lives will take.

Time seems to bound exponentially the older my children get and I wish I had known it goes by so fast.

I would have stopped and let my own mother catch her breath and enjoy the moments instead of being in such a hurry to grow up myself.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. gina permalink
    December 12, 2006 6:28 pm

    that’s a really nice piece. you should try to get it published.

  2. December 12, 2006 11:02 pm

    Ditto Gina, that made me tear up. It’s what I feel and can’t say, as I try to both survive and enjoy my kids at what feels like warp speed.

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