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Kick the Fish

September 28, 2006

At long last our beloved fish Kick (yes, my son named him on his 5th birthday….it is just a fun sentence to say, this is Kick the Fish.ha) is going to live. After many tubes and squeeze bottles of various medicines our invertebrate friend has decided to live. He was losing his fins to Fin Rot and had not eaten or made his bubble nest in almost a month now. After changing his water one night I noticed this pea sized fleshy, bloody ball type thing sunk on the floor of his glass bowl. When I fished it out (get it, fished it out? You can hear the rim shot in your head too, right?) it was stinky and looked like he had crapped out a vital organ of some kind. It was really bugging me that we had let this happen to him and I was determined to make him well even though my dear friend, Miss Melma laughed and mocked me in my concern for our family pet.

Kick looks better and is eating again. I hope that he will again build his bubble nest and once again take a nap resting on his plastic plant. I told my husband tonight that I nursed the fish back to health. To which he replied..”wow..you nursed the fish? why didn’t you do that before…breast-milk cures everything, right?” ha. Everyone is a freakin comedienne.

Unfortunately our Pain in the Ass Diabetic cat now has a limp. For the last 4 days. We took him to the vet and the fucker did not limp at the vets office so they said, C You Next Tuesday and that will be $36 dollars please. We lamented a non-fatal diagnosis and D related that the cat got all stressed out in the car and had that thermometer stuck up his arse again….for nothing. Can you tell me why they would feel the need to take his temperature when he has a limp? I think they get off on stuff like that. You have to be a bit wacky about animals to become a vet.

OH..that reminds me of when my cat Emma was about 3 years old she finally went into heat. We hadn’t had her spayed yet and it was the saddest summer ever. She would cry all day at our screen door for some boy cat to come and relieve her misery. Alas no boy cats even tried to come up the stairs to see what all the racket was about. Emma had also fallen in love my friend Detta who had come to stay with us that summer in Ptown. Emma seemed really miserable except when she would rub up against Detta screaming with her butt in the air. It got pretty gross pretty fast so I called our local vet. I explained to them the situation and they put me on hold. (Detta is convinced that they did this to put me on speaker phone) When the vet tech came back on he told me I could stick a pencil eraser up the cats butt so she would ovulate (cats ovulate when copulating thus the reason why they can become pregnant by different Toms) and put her out of her misery. I laughed and said you are kidding. With all seriousness he assured me he was not but I had to wait until it was over before we could spay her so she would not be all loopy and think she had had kittens and freak out because there were no kittens. I hung up the phone and told Detta what they had said. She laughed and said “gosh, I would pay money to watch you do that.” I said sternly she had to do it because the cat loved her. She told me to go fuck myself and we waited out poor Emmas horny-ness. It passed. We spayed her and I never stuck a pencil up her butt.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 28, 2006 12:28 pm

    Congrats on nursing Kick back to health! We’ve had rampant fish destruction in our house lately — we’ve lost three of our seven fish in about a week…I think one of the other fish is to blame, though…she’s a cranky little one and mean, to boot.

    The cat story is hilarious, and I’m glad you didn’t do anything that would make her think she had a false pregnancy. We had a schnauzer once who thought she’d gotten pregnant. Somehow she missed that part where she didn’t actually deliver, but we had to get her a Pound Puppy, which she would nurse and nuzzle and carry around with her until she loved its eyes and nose and mouth clean off.

    Animals are cool…but can be way neurotic.

    Genie
    The Inadvertent Gardener

  2. September 28, 2006 4:29 pm

    Good for Kick!

    I’m ashamed to say, I occasionally eye our PIA pets and wonder…is that old age I see finally setting in??? God help me, with karma, my kids will probably look that way at me some day.

  3. Sylvia permalink
    September 28, 2006 6:20 pm

    Hello —— I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time. I come to visit knowing that I’ll be thoroughly entertained —–You have me roaring with laughter! You have the greatest stories and seem to have a fabulous sense of humor. Whenever I feel a little down I know where to come to get a quick cheer up! Thanks for sharing pieces of your eventfull life. 🙂

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