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Election Day

September 13, 2006

I would like to put to vote not only the “National Beat Your Kid  and Free Therapy for Life Day” but also “Drug Your Kid So They Go To Sleep Day”. Thank you Ryan for that last suggestion.

WHY, OH why will my daughter NOT sleep? We had 5 great nights and now, suck sleeping city. Not only does she wake up and SHRIEK holy hell but does it over and over. She does  not have a fever and is very tired from getting up at 4:30 this morning. I had to put her to sleep at 6pm (a tad earlier than her usual 6:30-7pm) ….they don’t drink soda, eat candy (hardly ever), we eat tofu and veggies and have a good diet, lots of activity, closeness and we still are breastfeeding. AAAaaaarrrrrrrRRRRRGGggggggHHHHhhhh.

It is 9:30 and I feel like I should just go to bed so that I might sleep from now until about 2 with some luck before she awakens again. It is impossible to me that someone as cute and smart as she is could really just be the spawn of some evil alien planet set to destroy the earth one  mother at a time. Seriously –she speaks in this weird language of high pitched squeaks and pips, says nonsense words while pointing at things to get what she wants, is very advanced for her age in potty training (16 months self taught pee’r and poo’r) and is very bright. Except she won’t sleep there fore I can not sleep and the aliens trying to take over our planet will be at a greater advantage due to my zombie like state of mind. Maybe the aliens have secretly brainwashed me into going to nursing school ( I applied last thursday and will hear back in November) so that when they beam me up to their space pods in a far off galaxy I can attend to the human slaves whom are not fairing so well on this new planet.

So, go and vote and elect people who will stop the alien invasion so I can get some sleep.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2006 2:39 am

    OMG, now I’m giggling again like a fool and I keep rereading this post just so I can laugh more and between this and our conversation earlier, I’m going to be in hysterics soon. My daughter is also evil alien spawn, and she has just pooped AGAIN for like the 32nd time in 2 hours (exagerration, but it’s been a lot) and I swear she’s doing it on purpose so we have to change her and she can stay up. I. Need. Sleep. I’m becoming insane.

    Here’s wishing us both sleep. I should start a new blog and just post about sleep, because it’s all I can think about. That and cookie dough. Mmmm, cookie dough.

  2. September 13, 2006 3:43 am

    Have you tried locking her in the closet overnight?

  3. September 13, 2006 4:37 am

    Seriously though… Drug them. It wouldn’t be expensive, with their low body mass, especially with the new pseudo-barbits like Ambien or Lumina. Just a teeny.tiny.taste…

    In response to Robodads advice: shame on you!! That’s just cruel. You’d still HEAR them, and they’d probably scream bloody murder all night. So the next morning, not only will you both still be sleep deprived, but your child will have nightmares about closets, and will probably have an irrational fear of flannel for the rest of their lives.

    Nope. Just dose the little bastards…

  4. Heidi permalink
    September 13, 2006 3:00 pm

    Have you thought of maybe putting her to bed later than 6:00pm. Maybe she’s just one of those people who don’t need 12 hours of sleep. I mean if you put them to bed at 6:30pm and they wake up at 4:30am, that is a pretty long night’s rest — 10 hours. Malik gets about 9-10 hours of sleep every night and takes a 2 hour nap at daycare. That seems to be enough for him. I know if I even tried to put him in bed a 6:30pm A. it wouldn’t work and B. he’d be awake at about 2 or 3 am. Right now he goes to bed between 9-10pm and wakes up between 7-8 am. Hope you’re not offended by this, considering in another post you wrote it seems like you think people who put their kids to bed past 8 are committing like child abuse or something 🙂

  5. September 14, 2006 1:58 pm

    Just hit her on the head with an oversized hammer.

    Works on cartoons.

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