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just so you know

September 5, 2006

I was not prepared for the lack of sleep that is present when you have children. I guess if you want to starve your baby and completely ignore its cry’s for closeness then you could be a cold hearted evil troll and just let your child “cry it out” when they are little so they learn early that no one is really there for them and there is no one to count on. Fortunately for my children I am down with the whole breastfeeding, co-sleeping (to a degree) togetherness and they are happy, secure and loving little individuals. They are out going and brave. Silly and affectionate. I believe partly it is because that is the genetic make up of them and the other part is due to their two parents.

BUT, I am telling you someone, somewhere needs to invent some harmless drug that just makes your children GO TO SLEEP AN STAY ASLEEP. Yes, I am shouting. Shouting for all the mamas who have walked the floors, endlessly nursed, rocked and cuddled, slept with and comforted their children through all matters of existence. All the while being vomited on, shit on, peed on and screamed at.

Truly I took sleep for granted. I should have NEVER gotten a dog. I wasted countless years sleeping in on days I did not have to work early because I had to walk the damn dog. I think we had Tubby for about 6 years before we had our son. BIG MISTAKE. All of you out there contemplating the “dog as practice before we try to have a kid” —-news flash. It is not the same. Not even close.

This summer some of my A&P classmates were talking about our little ones and the girl behind us pipes up and says, “Gosh, I can really relate!’ I ask her how many children does she have and she says none. “I have dogs and they are like my babies. They take up so much time and need me so much.” I am suffering through this class and just being there makes me want to vomit so it is unbearable to resist the urge to say, “Well, you know, if your dog pisses you off too much, you can always give it away or put it down.” I don’t resist and I say it, much to her horror and shock. This makes me happy for a moment and then I still want to vomit.

During this speedy 7 week course that you must learn 15 weeks of learning my daughter had also chosen to stop sleeping. Unless I was next to her. All night. Everynight. Or she would scream. And she would wake me up to nurse her although we have not nursed during the night in almost a year or so. I would not give in but she still woke to beg and then angrily toss and turn. She was always particularly awful the night before an exam. I feel lucky to have come away with a B in the class primarily due to her. My sleeplessness was so large that I had realized about 1 month ago that I had not slept for more than 2 hours at a time without being woken in 6 weeks.

Just this week she has slept through the night until 5am –get up to nurse briefly and will sleep until 6:30. She also goes to bed at 6:30 pm. I feel totally out of it. I am fearful I will never catch up on my sleep. Ever. I will have this deficit for as long as I live.

WARNING***** SLEEP NOW, before you have children. Take naps. Sleep in. Go to bed early. Sleep at every oppurtunity. You will miss it more than you know.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 5, 2006 2:44 am

    God. Yes.

    I’ve now reached that point in sleep deprivation where I can’t even sleep when I COULD sleep – my body resists rest when I lie down because it’s so painful to get ripped right back up out of sleep within minutes of succumbing. My eyes hurt perpetually and I’ve lost the power of speech. I mean, I make sounds like words, and actually I think they mostly ARE words, but not the words I’m looking for. I say buried instead of married, car instead of bike, dinner instead of breakfast. It’s maddening. I agree, it pains me to remember all the sleep I gave up voluntarily before having kids, just to drink or read or whatever. I look back and think WHAT could possibly be more important than sleep???

    Ahhh, thanks for the opportunity to get that off my chest. I hope we both get sleep at some point soon. I think I’m begin to backslide down the evolutionary ladder.

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