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You’re okay, I am a piece of shit

August 17, 2006

It makes me crazy that sometimes you can be who you are and then other times, around other people you can not. In some situations you must accept that a person is who they are and are not going to change. BUT, then, you can not be yourself because then that would upset the other person because they are just  who they are.

I am not talking about random anonymous social situations where you can’t just say things like, “hey asshole” as you stand in the grocery check out line, “you smell really badly and you have 7 more items allowed in the 10 items or less aisle and you want to write a check..” So, no, in those kinds of situations I keep my mouth shut.

Around family is what I am talking about. Parents especially.

For example–take my wedding. When discussing the details of the ceremony with my mother and where we would stay I mentioned we planned on staying at the Inn where we were having the ceremony in West Tisbury , Martha’s Vineyard. She then asked me for the name and the phone number if I had it handy so she wouldn’t have to call out-of-state directory assistance. I asked her why she would need the number (D and I were paying for everything and there had been no mention of any help with anything…so I did not see the point…)

Her reply was, “Well, I need to make reservations for your aunt and I to stay there too.”

I say in astonishment, “You want to stay at the same small B&B that my newly-wedded husband and will be enjoying our honeymoon at?”

She says, “Well, where else would we stay?”

I reply, obviously, “Um, it is a big island and it is filled with hotels and other charming places to stay.”

She says, “Well, I will already be there.”

As tactfully as possible my explanation was, “You know, W. Tisbury is in the middle of the island and you won’t have a car to do any sight seeing and you will only be there for a couple of days and renting a car is really expensive and you can take taxi’s cheaper and there are also buses that go everywhere.”

More sternly now, catching on to what I am saying, “Just give me the name and the number again, this is ridiculous. You are being ridiculous. What is the big deal for gods sake????”

True colors coming out, inevitably, “Um, hello, I am going to be having SEX with my new husband and do not want to see your face in the morning as we communally eat our breakfast together. This is not a joint vacation….this is my fucking honeymoon and I am not ridiculous. It is ridiculous that you want to come on my honeymoon with me.” panting and feeling grateful she does not live within smacking me across the face distance any longer.

My mother says, ” Of for gods sake Nicole (using my real name JUST to make her point), I don’t want to come on your honeymoon, I just want to stay somewhere. You are being ridiculous. ”

No I am not, yes you are. No you are, no I am not…and on and on…I am sure you get the picture.

I know my mom just wanted to stay at the beautiful inn (totally was the site of the first TV Wedding Show Martha Stewart ever did) and relish and soak up the moment that her only child became legally bound to a great guy that she loved and respected. I get it.

BUT, it was my honeymoon and can’t I have a thought? A thought that is just about me? It is my wedding for gods sake and she had 3!!! of them and has had more than her fair share of turns at the whole wedding thing. (I also say this. I said my true colors come out. I am not proud of everything about me….is anyone?)

She hangs up in a huff and enjoys telling everyone that I wouldn’t “let” her stay at the Inn because I didn’t want her to think of D and I having sex and if I want to be selfish, fine. What did she matter anyway, “you go ahead. I will stay somewhere else. Its fine.”

Because that is just the kind of big hearted gal she is. was. (she is dead)

See, I even mock the dead. I am a bitch.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. laura permalink
    August 17, 2006 3:38 am

    You know, I was all prepared to offer up some words o’ wisdom when your neon sign completely sidetracked me. Anyway, the upshot was that you’re not a piece of shit. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go back to being mesmerised.

  2. August 17, 2006 7:24 am

    Kudos to you. I hate all the pressure of saying only the right things, so as such, I have strongly adopted the Gordon Ramsay method of just saying whatever the fuck comes to me. Though as to dealing with my parents (okay, just my mom) on my upcoming wedding day, I have a trump card.

    Mom is scared of heights, and this is where we’re having the wedding.


  3. August 17, 2006 6:17 pm

    Oh, good for you. I wish I could stand up to the insanity. I’m working on it…

    You were not selfish, it was insane for her to want to get in bed with you and your groom.

  4. ginapea permalink
    August 18, 2006 1:26 am

    i think it should have been pretty damn obvious that you do not share a honeymoon with your child!
    and i had no idea your name was nicole….cole suits you so much better!!

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