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Make new boyfriends but keep the old, one is silver the other gold

July 17, 2006

Ex-boyfriends have always been BFF material for me. Once I am over someone, especially if I loved them (not just had sex with them) I always want to be their friend. Most people do not feel this way. It has been particularly weird for my husband because he has had to go to dinner with, go to a party or two with, work for, work with my ex’s. One night while working together at my last boyfriend in my home state before I moved away’s restaurant…(huh?) one of the waiters was also an ex-boyfriend and the owner was there too (ex) THEN the parents of this guy I used to date came in , then the cousin of this other guy I dated came in. I felt like such a slut. Sheesh.

Mainly I feel like if I have seen you naked and professed mild feelings of affection at the very least, you are my friend forever. Just because we didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that all those feelings just go away. This also includes girlfriends (platonic kind) that I have had to pee in the woods with even if we don’t talk anymore…still love ya.

Is that weird that I still like them? Mostly they are not hip to that and their wives/girlfriends mostly hate it. I am who I am in part because of them. As I acquired boyfriends I learned more about who I am. What I want and how that relates to what I deserve. Things I like sexually, things I DON’T. What it means to really love someone but more importantly what it means to have someone else really, really love you back.

I think the reasons we are with people is not because they are cute, nice, funny, good in bed, clean, tidy, organized, make lots of money, smart…whatever? But we are with them because the obnoxious crap they do, doesn’t really bother us so much. Anyone can be with someone because they are beautiful, smart, funny and a great kisser. That is why you fall for them but that is NOT why you stay with them. Maybe it is partly habit, but it is also that they put up with your crap too, and who knows if you could find that again?

It is an easy bet when you are just a couple. Things are very black and white. The playing field changes dramatically when you have children. Children really anchor you to someone. Sometimes like a tether to a hot air balloon that allows you to see beyond the horizon and sometimes it is a 1,000 lb. ball on a 2 foot chain holding you under water.

******** addition: My husband would like you all to know that I am really, really, really jealous. I have not met one ex-girlfriend of his yet that was nice to me, so I hate all of his ex-girlfriends. I am insanely jealous and probably would not like any of his ex’s even if they were nice to me. I do have to say that while my hubby has met many of my ex’s, he does not/did not have to like them. ***********

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 17, 2006 9:39 pm

    “One night while working together at my last boyfriend in my home state before I moved away’s restaurant” Love it!

  2. Gina permalink
    July 20, 2006 2:17 am

    I want to be friends with all (most) my exes too, but unfortunately it hasn’t always worked out. One is a very good friend. One is a friend but hasn’t really matured in 20 yrs so we don’t have a lot in common anymore! One pretends I no longer exist, which is why I am no longer with him in a nutshell–he cant handle anything messy or emotional etc. So while frustrating and sad at least it is validating!!

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