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There is no such thing as perfect parenting!

June 9, 2006

I wish I had a time machine that would let me see how badly I am fucking up my kids so I can do things the right way now. I am not scientifically inclined so that will remain just a dream. I was talking to my very good friend and gorgeous woman Alexis and we were discussing the various types of parenting. This topic came up as we were at the hippie/punk sing-a-long at a bookstore near me and there were many homeschooled older children running and making quite the ruckus. At one point, none of their adults were around and they were playing a tag game involving grabbing each others shirts and trying to fling the grabbed person across a table around a wobbly awning. I suggested gently that looked dangerous and I was just suggesting that they play a game that was safer or move to a more open space. The kids looked at me like I screamed, "Hey you fuckheads, stop doing that or I will cram my fist up your ass". I asked Alexis what would cause such confusion and fright and she told me that is probably the first time and adult spoke to them directly about something they were doing and suggested they stop. I was kinda shocked ,but hey, we are at the hippie-punk bookstore sing-a-long, so whatever. We got to talking and she said one of the premises behind that is "Life is not fair and it is a waste of time trying to make children be and actly fairly because it is futile." 

I thought, huh. Hmmm. I see that and agree but sometimes what I think is the way it must go. For safety, because I say so and many, many other reasons. I do lots for my kids just because they want to/it. So, this is a give and take partnership so sometimes it is my turn.

Sometimes they are just annoying me. Maybe I just need more patience and try not sweating the stuff I get all twisted up about. I reason and explain way more than I command. Maybe I should try not saying anything to my kids for a whole week and see what choices they make?

I don't know if I could last a week. Sometimes even now using my scary mama voice and yelling doesn't help me not want to kill them. I don't know how I would fare after a whole week of just them.

How do you parent and why? 

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